When your eyes start to be open to the injustices facing marginalized communities…. it feels like taking an overseas mission trip that is at the same time the most amazing life-giving and heart breaking experience. And then you come back home and you can’t decide if you’re awful for kissing the ground you live on or awful for wrestling with hatred towards the comfort and ease with which you live. You just know this… you’re not the same person you were before you left.
You are broken yet you are more complete.
You are angry yet you are more joy filled.
You are resentful yet you are grateful.
You are bold about what you do know yet painfully aware of all you don’t.
You are drained yet you are energized.
You are grateful to be among family yet you no longer feel at home anywhere.
You are so glad to have your comfort yet it feels hollow.
You left a part of your heart with them yet wonder if you will ever see them again.
You went to impact their lives yet they drastically changed yours.
Usually when I’ve taken these overseas trip they happen once a year or every other year with weeks and months of processing that follows. When it’s dealing with communities of the poor, hurting, oppressed, abused, minorities, immigrants, sexual minorities, mental illnesses, and calloused hearts all this can happen within a few hours or a days time, and happen repeatedly.
I feel like I re-live this including the whole spectrum of emotions over and over on a daily basis. I long for a day where I don’t feel like I’m leaving the comforts of home just to walk along side of the marginalized. I long for a day where we don’t have to ask for those who are more wealthy than I to support the efforts of justice that everyone should be pursuing yet often times we feel alone in, because a day is coming where every need will be met by One! I long for the day when the Kingdom of God reveals to all the upside down economics of the Savior and I can rejoice when the last shall indeed be first and that they will say that the hope of the Gospel was the good news they clung to on earth because their day to day didn’t represent the good news so many of us mistakenly think it is.
I’m weary and worn….. but I’m changing and growing like never before.
It’s worth it.
They are worth it.
He is worth it.